Well hello again, internet. Long time no update.
What’s been happening? A lot. There were fires that smothered my garden in thick smoke for a month so that nothing grew except tomatoes and pepperming. There were bears and owls that came to watch me cut fish. There were many many many summer projects that I never finished (including a book of memoirs about my childhood that I’ve been blogging as I write over at ecowhore).
Then it was fall. It snowed, and I took my boat out of the water and went to town to work while the river froze. But then we had a second summer! The river was an un boatable, un walk acrossable, slush forever and I was stuck in town! So I worked and worked, and while I was at it I started a little porn blog. I might turn this little porn blog into a real website and revive the vibe reviews in video form. Or I might not. Check it out and tell me what you think.
By the time I could finally cross the river it was a month later then when I crossed it last year, and almost thanksgiving! It’s so wonderful being back home in the frozen world where time and sound stand still and my little river full of warm springs thaws in the deepest colds. I want to stay right here forever and ever, but I have another work trip coming up.
So that’s what’s been going on.
Also, internet, there are some cool things going on on the interwebs that I would like you to know about:
Hatma has a blog! She hasn’t written much yet, but some comments might inspire her.
This really cool person lived (camped, I guess?) in a van and stripped in one of my favorite areas, and blogged about it. She has the coolest stage name in the world, and she’s also an uncommonly good writer. Hopefully some comments might encourage her to write more too.
Becky is eating 100% wild food until Thanksgiving… in the city!
Have you read Susie Bright’s new book, Bitten? If you haven’t, you should. As usual Susie brought together the perfect combination of gifted writers for a thoughtful, compelling book of erotica. For a long time I thought that Susie mainly existed in the world of writing as someone who brought good writers together into anthologies. But I was so wrong! She’s written books that are even better than her anthologies! Everyone should read all of them!
Also, have y’all seen Tasty Trixie’s site? She’s my porn hero.
September 3rd, 2009 · 2 Comments
I updated wordpress and it seems like some of you can’t log in (but some of you can). Here’s what to do if you can’t log in:
1. Don’t be paranoid – I don’t hate you!
2. Make sure you’re going to this address to log in. Try the retrieve password function.
3. If it still doesn’t work, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with what’s going on and your username and I’ll reset your password.
Sorry for the tech blip!
Hello again, Internet. Here’s another update:
- Did you see the new sponsor over there —-> ? If you’re interested in stripping, make sure you check out Pumps Mag, and watch for my upcoming article there.
- My Tree Medicine Pain Salve sold out really fast on Etsy, and I made another batch. Every batch is a little different, and this batch is great. I was really busy cutting fish and so I let it infuse for five days instead of the usual two or three (I think I’ll always do this now), and I was able to use much better beeswax. I’ll be experimenting with lip balm soon.
- I’ve been doing way more phone sex and having a lot of fun polishing up my hypno skills and learning how to mesh my sex work ideology with the random kinks of strangers who call me. I made a couple recordings this month and that’s turned out great. Next I want to learn to make movies.
- I’ve been playing in the woods, smoking fish, doing phone sex, failing at sugar daddies (but learning a lot!), making medicine, and blogging about it all over at ecowhore.
Well hello, Internet. It’s been a while.
I wanted to let you all know about a few things:
- I have a scene report in the current issue of $pread Magazine. $pread is the ONLY magazine for and by sex workers, and we should all support it. Plus, it has awesome articles and art.
- I have a poem in the current issue of Alaska Women Speak. I don’t think they have a website.
- My popular Tree Medicine Pain Salve is for sale on Etsy now. Check it out.
- I’m still doing phone sex and blogging at ecowhore.com, where I’ve written a couple essays about the ecowhore archetype that you can see if you click.
I’m thinking about doing updates like this every month or two, what do you guys think? Especially email rss people, I don’t want to overwhelm you guys.
Carrot and I are both reading on Whole Wheat Radio at six! Six Alaska time, seven Cali time, ten Eastern time. Click on it and you can listen to us! I’ll be reading a never before seen story from my future book, and Carrot will be reading one of her artfully written train riding stories.
That’s what I wrote in my book of magic a couple weeks ago and it becomes more and more true every day. The other day when I asked if you guys would subscribe to my new blog I jumped like 100 miles on the luck-o-meter. Imagine if I could stay home in the woods and write and not have to go to towns to make the land payment money.
If you want to subscribe…
Click here to pay five dollars a month. After you paypal subscribe, it’ll take you to the new blog and you’ll set up an account there to be able to read. Please use the same email address for that account as your paypal came from.
Click here to pay ten dollars every three months.
For the technologically unsavvy: when you click the buttons, it will take you to PayPal. Probably you already have a PayPal account and you just need to sign in with your PayPal email address and password, and then follow PayPal’s instructions. I’m not getting your credit card number or anything like that, PayPal is handling it and then letting me have like 95% of the money. When you finish paying through PayPal, you’ll end up on a new site, which is my new blog. Make a note of the invitation code you see there, and then click the button to register. You get to pick a user name and password, and put in your email address and invitation code. Then it will send you an email to confirm your account. Click on that, log in, and you’ll see my blog. You probably won’t need to log in again until you clear your cookies, so don’t worry, after this it will be super easy to get to the new blog.
People who are making other arrangements with me: I’m gonna send out a mass email really soon with your invitation code.
If you’re getting this as an email and you’re clicking to read it, thank you! At the end there are some almost naked, almost political, almost thought provoking pictures of me as a reward, so keep reading!
I’ve been writing a memoir, and I don’t want to publish it. The thing about all good memoirs is that they’re intensely personal. Once they’re published, anyone can read all your intensely personal angst for $14 or whatever that you get like $2 of, and it sucks. I’m really grateful for Michelle Tea, Ruth Fowler, and all the people that have been willing to put themselves out there like that. I’m not. Right now, and probably ever.
The other thing about book writing, is that there is no interaction! When I wake up in the morning and look at what I wrote the night before there are no comments! I miss you guys! Even more than missing you guys, I wonder about the value of writing when it is done, and then read, in isolation with no interaction between the reader and writer. I’ve wanted to have a conversation with every single author who’s book I’ve read. And I’d like to have a conversation with everyone who reads anything I write, to at least know who they are and how my stories relate to or mingle with their lives.
But I don’t want to blog again, not like this. I really never want to make my life an open book on the anonymous internet ever again. It was great while I was doing it, but I also learned how it can change relationships when a town full of people you’ve known for years are suddenly given the url to your life (mostly, oddly, because a lot of people apparently have low reading comprehension, and they read A and then assume B, and tell your customers C and D).
What I want is to blog intensely and personally like I did here, but more privately.
And, maybe I just have an inflated sense of worth from stripping, but I feel like my unique experiences, weird passionate thought processes, and hopefully kind of good writing are worth something. Think of it like a serial novel or a book in progress that updates most days.
Here’s what I’m going to do – if you have stuff in common with me and I want you in my little internet world (like, if you’re a magical music making van dwelling stripper, or you’ve ever lived in a vehicle, or we’ve stripped together), or if I read your blog for free, or if you love me but have not so much money, you’ll get the password for free. For everyone else, the password will probably be like $5/month or $10/3 months.
Here’s the survey part: raise your hand (I mean, leave a comment) if you’d pay a few bucks a month to read my awesome writing about cabin living and stripping and berry picking and birch spirits and phone sex and ghosts and sugar daddies and beautiful weird people almost every day.
Okay, if you read this far, here’s your reward:
I’m changing this whole post, because all my phone sexin’ has changed! I started out just doing regular vanilla phone sex, with lots of sweet fantasies of lovemaking beside streams and one guy who told me every day what he’d like to cook for me before we made love. When I mentioned in my listing that I knew hypnosis, I started getting way more calls. I love hypnosis – and it turns out there’s guys out there who want to be hypnotised into giving me all their money! So now I mostly do hypnosis – from heightened sensation and tantric experiences to financial domination.
You can click on the call button over there —> on the sidebar, towards the top (whenever I put it in the post it makes everything go wonky) to call me now, and get three free minutes.
Or, if you just wanna see pictures of me naked in/around a pretty stream in southern Alaska, click on this:
Topless, hoboin’ it up in my van:
And all strippered up:
And the obligatory cheap pussy shot:
I don’t live in a van anymore. I don’t travel the country stripping anymore, tho I might when I run out of money.
When I started this blog I think I felt like my experiences were significant. I’m not really sure, because I don’t feel that way anymore. I mean, my experiences are significant to me, and maybe a little to the people around me, but I think the further they go the less they matter. Most of my experiences at the moment are tied to this land that I’m falling in love with, and I think it would be kind of creepy to tell the whole wide internetz all about that.
Go outside. Fall in love with the dirt under your feet. Why should I write to you about the dirt here (it is lovely and varied) when you aren’t here? Read things by people who share your dirt, or just listen to the dirt.
I used to feel this actual physical anxiety, that so many beautiful moments were passing without being written down. It was imperative that I record all those little moments before they faded from memory. I don’t feel like that anymore (which could be a good thing or a bad thing, I guess, depending on how you look at it).
To sum it all up:
I won’t be blogging here anymore.
I’ll maybe probably be starting a naked-Tara-in-the-woods website so I can make money without coming to town.
I might possibly start another blog. One of those boring ones that I update once or twice a week about how much wood I chopped or the otters teasing Bro.
I’ll probably be putting together a chapbook or two of poems and stories. I might write a book, but I don’t really feel like it right now.
If you want to hear about any of that (all of it, actually), put your email address in below to get an email when it happens (no spam, I promise).
Hatma gave me directions and I followed them all the way to this huge mansion. A guy in pajamas answered the door.
“Hey,” I said, “this must be the new stripper house. I brought my shower bag.”
“Umhm,” he said and wandered back to bed.
“Tara!” Hatma came down the stairs and Sweetness came out of another room.
It’s this huge multimillion dollar hunting lodge that the uber-rich stay in during hunting season. Marble, steel, hot tubs, the works. When season ended, one stripper moved in. But you know how strippers are. They multiply, and soon the lodge was overrun.
Sweetness and I went for a run on the beach, first with the resident dog, and then with Bro, and I took pictures of the dead bloated saltwater-preserved salmon who never made it to their rivers. I miss my river.
Diamond and Lucy were leaving when we got back, and we had one of those beautiful dramatic superficial goodbyes. Off they went, into the world, leaving behind only tomatoes and memories of soup.
This lodge is so fancy it’s got a hose that runs hot and cold water, so I gave Bro a bath because he’s been stinky lately. The van’s been stinky too. It’s kind of circular.
Then Sweetness made shrimp and beef tacos with the most amazing sauces and salads and fried ice cream and other yumminess. It was like those people who live in my sister’s TV in the playboy mansion, except instead of this old wrinkly token man, they have a young accomodating muscley guy who washes the dishes.
I had come for the running water, after all, so I finally made it to the bath tub. It’d been a while since I’d bathed, so I decided to soak for a while. I got all absorbed in the Continuum Concept (one of my favoritest books – I got it for Hatma and then borrowed it back from her to read in her tub), and when I got out just now it was 11:15. I could go to work, but it doesn’t seem especially compelling. Especially since last, after driving all the way over here, I only made $21.
So here I am in this dark house, sitting at a fancy marble counter in an industrial luxury kitchen with a fully stocked fancy bar, wishing I was home on the river. I hope no bears have broken into my cabin. I hope the otters are still happy and the squirrells that live in the roof aren’t getting cancer from the insulation and the wood I chopped lasts a long time and more wood is easy to saw up and chop and the river keeps being beautiful every day. And I hope I make enough money to live on for the rest of the winter really soon and get home before the river starts freezing and I can’t get home.
Tags: The day-to-day of it all