Selling out

I came here intending to work three or four weeks and make enough money to go back to Alaska and buy some land. I was going to be practical and buy land someplace near a road, so that I could drive to a town and work, probably to pay off the rest of the land, keep up with my student loans, and buy food and solar panels. But I’m making so much money here that I’m starting to consider staying and working here for the winter, paying off my student loans, having a big chunk of money to buy whatever land I want, and investing enough to maybe buy some rice and bullets on the interest. Then I wouldn’t have to be practical and stay near a road. Also, during the weeks that I took off to preserve my sanity I could go to rainbow gathering and wilderness schools and other awesomeness.

The first plan involves working five weeks. The second, twenty five weeks. If the money were to stay stable, which it never does, except that my friends who have been here say it’s been stable for months, and the big companies are bringing even more men into town over the next nine months or so.

It’s one thing to sell out a little, to run out of money and go dance in a place I like until I stop liking it, or to perform random acts of magical capitalism. I think it’s another to sell out for a year, to intentionally work in a place I don’t like with people that are rude for a whole year whether I still like it or not.

How much of a sin is it to hear the river calling and not go? To do something I don’t love? I know these things. But if I did it anyways I wouldn’t have to worry about student loans or land payment or financing or not having enough money to buy the land I want.

Oh, I wish a faery would come and tell me what to do. I guess I’ll go talk to the river here.


  1. Don’t think of it as selling out. Think of it as just a bit of planning so you can live the way you want in a year. And there is interesting stuff to take care of while you do it, so go for it! 😛

  2. It sounds like “25” is the operative number here.

    Less than half a year. Tolerable. Time enough even for the river, from here until winter.

    I don’t necessarily know about such things. I just know that Spring to Fall is the time most of us plan for the fruitfulness of it all. After that, we have to hunker down for about four months. Don’t forget about those 16 weeks, either…though, I’m certain that you wouldn’t. If you have a property in mind, scope it out now. Add 16 t0 25…unless, of course, you think you can do it in 9 weeks…then add. And god(dess) bless you.

  3. wow, such a poetic way to ask this question- with the river calling. I’d say the few months of sacrifice are worth it if it makes you enough to really get what you want. But, I also don’t want you to stay past sanity, so feel it out. If you stay put you can find some land there to rent perhaps and you could do some major gardening of herbs. You could work on a good project that might do well with staying put- like soap making and essential oil making. Trust your dreams, they will give you an answer.

  4. Things tend to work themselves out if you do stuff that makes you happy. Don’t go do something that makes you miserable!

    Being unhappy is kind of like losing sleep, it’s hard to “make it up” later.

  5. Well, what are you trying to achieve?

    I don’t know you in the least bit, I don’t know if you’d last 25 weeks, I don’t know hwere you are at, I don’t know if the money will last that long.
    Suppose both you and the money last, will giving up those 25 weeks without a chance of getting them back get you what you inted to have in the long run?

    If those 25 weeks will put you three years closer to freedom, I’d go for it! Land prices are going up, rice and ammo grow more expensive by the day … 25 weeks now, 50 in two years … you see what I’m getting at?

    Do remember: if you want to be free, then don’t allow yourself to get trapped during/after those 25 years. Money is not something to be spent, it is something to invest.

  6. Don’t give yourself too much hell that you are considering “Selling out ” . In this modern age, sometimes that reality is that $ = more freedom. Invested right , the extra cash could mean more of the lifestyle you love. That said ….. if the money were to dry up you could easily leave.

    Oh ….. Micheal …. I just scrolled up and read your quote. Yeah ….. we are both thinking the same thing.

  7. i am so moved by who you are. thanks for sharing your journey. i just went through a similar struggle around my next step. i think that our own nourishment in the present can provide a grounding in what to do. planning for the future is so essential – but we might be gone tomorrow. the only guarantee is the ability nourish ourselves as best we can day to day. hmm..lots of luck in your decision making. in peace – rae

  8. Think of it as an investment you are making in your future. It’s not selling out to submit yourself to discipline in order to reap great rewards. Visualize this as a long-term magickal working.

    Take lots of days off to preserve your sanity, eat good food, be good to yourself… and if you decide that you hate it, you can leave. You are free.

  9. Everything has a price, and it looks to me that the possibility of your own land and freedom at the cost of 25 weeks in a job, whether you like the job or not, is a pretty low price. Most people work over 40 YEARS in some crappy job, living on the treadmill to maybe have a few years of retirement. Short of winning the lottery or some other windfall (you know how likely that is), you won’t get that land for any less work. This could be your opportunity. Prices are going up, and as the SHTF, there will be less money to go around, and there will be a lot more girls working for it. On the other hand, you could squat on some remote land, and a few weeks of work could buy you a lot of provisions and ammo. You won’t be tied into a contract, so you can go along with it, until you feel that you have to get out if things start to heat up (SHTF) or the money dries up, but the longer you stick with it, the closer you get to that land. Play it by ear.

  10. Come to rainbow gathering!!! In southern wyoming in July… omg you MUST go!! pleasE?? I’ll be at popcorner kitchen!

  11. Some stuff i’v read in the Economists Magazine.
    1. the US is likely to have double digit inflation starting in 3-9 months and lasting for 2-5 years. This is lowballed official inflation that doesn’t include food or gas.
    2. farmland is the next bubble to burst (housing and commercial property have already).
    3. small (up to 5000 employees) and mid (like not in the Fortune 500 i guess) sized companies started to fail a couple of months ago- from tight/expensive credit. And those that stay afloat will cut wages/fire people to do so.
    So mostly i’d wouldn’t work too long- 15 weeks at the most nor would i worry about your debt. Actually you should acquire more (for your land, starting your business, whatever.) if you can get any loans.
    Land, guns n bullets, and equipment will be a much better investment than stocks or CDs or whatever for the next few years- if the Economists is right.
    With alittle luck the people you owe money to will be to busy running away from hordes of hungry out of work college grad/cannibals to ask for their money back- in a few years at least. This possibility might raise the price of Alaskan wilderness though.
    Oh- you should go for wind turbines rather than solar panels up there in Alaska at least while you can get spare parts.

  12. sometimes you have to choose between instant gratification and long term happiness. sometimes we can have instant gratification without sacrificing long term happiness, and sometimes not. 15 years from now, will you regret working and saving money or will you regret heeding the call of the river? listening to your long term goals might override any dissatisfaction in the near future, trust yourself, you know what’s best for you.

  13. Sometimes in life you’ll find yourself at a crossroad. An opportunity presents itself, a decision appeals. If it seems like a good idea. If you can look into your heart and hear its whisperings, and it smiles on this decision, if you can hear it telling you that you need the seasoning it will bring or the respite or the madness or the love, then you should do it.

    Or else if the time is not now, then move along.

    For the traveller, selling out means disrespecting your internal compass.

    You will know what to do. After all, you’re one of the special ones.

    Much love.

  14. Panda, wind actually isn’t a great option for where I want to be. Solar isn’t perfect either, but the cold doubles the efficiency when there is sun.

  15. Wow, that was some awesome immediate advice you guys.

    So, um, due to the wonders of future posting I actually wrote this a couple days ago and I’ve pretty much decided that I’m just gonna work my ass off here (or wherever else comes along profitable) for the next few weeks to make land money and then go buy land this summer. When it starts getting cold I can decide to stay there for the winter or fly down here to work for a month or two or work in alaska for a few weeks here and there or drive south and get a bigger van and save money and learn things. I’ll figure it out as I go…

  16. Well, I’ll be there if you decide to stay 😉 …. a “little” work now ….lots of life sustaining later … 😕 have new ideas on ak for me, too …thinking of shipping my car up there!

  17. I agree with your decision and most other advice.

    Solar panels are getting increasingly efficient. Also, if you plan to settle where it’s cold, did you already look into solar hot water and/or air heating? Extremely neat technologies there also, keeping you largely off-grid and saving lots of money.

  18. oh yeah i loved the Julie trilogy. i hope to get Ishmael soon. i’l pass Julie on my niece in Kansas

  19. Right now you are healthy and able to dance as much as you want.
    Right now, you are at the height of your game…(you may maintain that high for years).
    25 wks is nothing to the river, the land, the loans…
    you’ll do that 25 wks anyway-
    either spread out over more than a year or all at once.
    Maybe see how many weeks in a row you can do it- as a Tara experiment…if you’re over it in 7 or 10 or 22 wks- then so be it.
    The whole time, you’ll continue journaling and checking in on yourself.

    The short time I managed as a Super stripper (after being supplemental and etc.) I banked. I’m still reaping the benefits from it.
    It didn’t harm me, just the opposite.

    Make your money woman.

  20. I stumbled upon your blog, and I have to say, I’m incredibly jealous. I don’t think I have it in me to just…take off. Just go. And I certainly don’t have the self-confidence to strip. You have the ultimate freedom; you have what everyone wants, even if they’re too afraid to want it. You are an inspiration.

    Please keep being awesome, I need someone to live vicariously through <3

    And when it comes to small sacrifices…25 weeks is not that long, just keep a stiff upper lip and think of what you’ll get out of it! On the other hand, if everything is sucking ass all over the place, just get the fuck out. Maybe you’ll find a better place with easier money. You seem to have some pretty good karma =D

  21. RE: Actually, I think I might be fired. Ironic. – Tara …

    If so, sorry for them, but you’ll move on like the hobo you are and the adventure continues. The river rolls on.

    I was re-reading “Slaughterhouse Five” by Vonnegut this weekend – several themes in there reminded me of your journey, Tara. It’s not Daniel Quinn, but the absurdity of Kurt sure matches your sense of humor. Take care, sister.

    ~ Irish

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