I Live in a Van Down by the River

The first time I told someone I lived in a van they said, “down by the river?”

“Yeah! How’d you know?!” I just figured it was obvious from looking at me that I belonged by the river.

But no, it turns out it was something funny that happenned in the teevee once. Everyone said it. It was great, cause I am normally down by the river.

Guess what I got yesterday? A shirt that says “I LIVE IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!” It even has long sleeves, which is totally what I need in life right now. And it says I live in a van down by the river! Now I’ll wear it and it’s true but people will think it’s funny!

I got a bunch of other shirts too, because just after I walked into my mothers house her closet imploded. She’s got a little yard sale-ing problem, you see. It started with food. When we lived on trapline it was great that she stashed enough food to last the year, but when we moved to town it became a little cumbersome to have so much food around. Living in town, she had a lot more opportunity to shop, too, and soon she had a house full of food. Then she turned to thrift stores and yard sales. People even affixed “yard sale” to the front of her name for a while, in the same way that people get called Tiny John or Dirty Sally or Klondike Kate.

Her closet is incredibly organized. By color, even. But just after I walked in the door several shelves, weighed down by hundreds of pounds of color coded shirts, ripped away from the walls, bringing some other shelves down with them. The clothes exploded out into the bedroom, and my mom had to explain to her husband, through much laughter, that there’d been a little accident in the closet.

So it was clear that she needed to reduce the poundage in her closet. She managed to eliminate six big garbage bags of clothes, and I salvaged a few warm shirts.

I think I will never buy anything retail ever again. I could totally live off the refuse of this culture.

Then my mom showed me the SNL clip of the guy who lives in a van down by the river. It’s sooo funny! I’d never watched it, cause I thought it would be something stupid, and it is, but it’s funny! If you haven’t seen it (and you have the bandwidth), you should go watch it on YouTube.

I’m that girl who rolled her eyes and said she wants to live in a van down by the river when she grows up. 😆


  1. That was by far the funniest bit he did–when Christina Applegate was the guest (that’s the girl) and David Spade was the son–and the two of them were trying to keep from breaking during the scene. I’m so glad you finally got to see it!

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