It’s been a few weeks since I’ve worked and I’m running low on cash, so back to the strip club I went last night. This is one of the most depressing clubs I work in. Everyone has to be there at six, and the customers don’t show up until nine or ten, leaving ample room for crazy drama. There are strict rules which are sometimes completely ignored by the cool bouncers and other times strictly enforced by the wanna-be-pimp who works there for fun when he doesn’t have enough women to abuse at his other job as a prison guard. And the customers. There are some very awesome customers, but there are some pretty awful ones too.
I used to just kind of ignore the awful ones. Like, if they wanted a dance I’d take their twenty dollars, and if it was over a hundred dollars I might smile and be nice to them for a couple minutes even though I was raging inside the whole time, but then I was done. Lately I’ve just been eliminating them altogether. It does wonders for my mood, and I think it provides them with valuable social feedback too.
Last night there were two.
The first one was nice enough until I started dancing for him, but then he spent the entire song begging to lick my nipple. At the end of the song he asked for another one.
“No,” I told him. “I don’t think you appreciate me as much as you should, so I’m going to leave and let you get some dances from other people. I’ll dance for you again when you’re ready to appreciate it.”
He seemed genuinely confused, like, “huh? You mean women don’t like it when I whine and beg to do things I’m not allowed to?” I explained to him that no, I don’t appreciate whining, begging, or boundary pushing. He apologised and promised to behave if I would do another dance for him. We ended up doing 3 more, and he was a perfect gentleman.
A little while later a guy that I had previously rejected for my hustle (you know, you say hi, they say something vaguely rude, you walk away), came up to me and asked for a dance. Sure. I took his twenty bucks and we went to the lapdance chairs.
“We’ll wait for the next song, okay honey?” I sat in the chair next to him.
“Sure,” he said. Then, gesturing towards the woman on stage, “damn, that’s old.”
“What?”
“That things been here for thirty years. It’s old.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to dance for you. Here’s your money back, bye.”
It’s like magic, cause after ten seconds of him I was mildly annoyed and it went away when I walked away from him. After an entire song or two with him I would have been really pissed and it would have carried over into all my interactions for the rest of the night.
So, ladies, something to consider. It’s not healthy to do things that make you feel bad. It is healthy to set boundaries and express your anger right away instead of stuffing it or letting it build up. And it’s all around wonderful to consciously create your work experience so that you’re around people you enjoy.
This applies wonderfully to anyone who is self employed ( like me ). Some people are just not worth it. If you are good at what you do, there will always be more customers. Anyone is business for themself should understand the concept of “weeding” which customers to take. You are right. Proper weeding does wonders for your mood and your energy level. ~C
Thanks for some great advice for those of us who work in the service industry, and for life in general. “Valuable social feedback”–we all need that, on both ends.
I respect you more with each and every post.
My best to you.
““No,†I told him. “I don’t think you appreciate me as much as you should, so I’m going to leave and let you get some dances from other people. I’ll dance for you again when you’re ready to appreciate it.—
Gold.
Excellent advice, and just in time for me go back to work tomorrow night.
This is so much better than replaying the conversations in head and apologizing bitterly to past self.
Do they give you shift pay for showing up when there’s little chance of selling dances?
I’d give you twenty bucks to just sit and chat and gaze upon your beautiful mouth. You have the most beautiful mouth I think I’ve ever seen. Hmmm, I hope that doesn’t sound weird. Oh well.
Man, that’s awsome. I needed to hear that. I just continue to dance for them, and slowly rot inside. It gives me so much rage and sadness for the rest of the night. I should try your method.
“No,†I told him. “I don’t think you appreciate me as much as you should, so I’m going to leave and let you get some dances from other people. I’ll dance for you again when you’re ready to appreciate it.â€
I cannot wait to try this. So much better than the pool of hate that I get from dancing for creeps.
good one to know and share- applies to clubs and life outside the club as well!
– As a dancer it took me a good long while to get this lesson… I changed my stage name to Grace as a reminder that there is good in all of it and to respond gracefully….
To the obvious misogynists and their sexist comments I enjoyed killing em with “Goddess bless you”
as I walked away.
The clubs with ridiculous rules attract bigger assholes both as employers and customers…and a larger share of victim style dancers- blech. Glad you are writing about it.
It is healthy to set boundaries and express your anger right away instead of stuffing it or letting it build up.
words to live by. i’d be that person stewing inside and replaying the incident like a broken record all night. it’s hard not to let the jerkheads get to you. it’s so strange that we all just don’t take that first hint and clip it before we boil over internally. gods, lady, the more i think about it, the more i really like that philosophy. i may just have a new mantra!
Way to go girl! It takes a lot of self confidence to do what we do AND keep our heads above it all.
Word. Sometimes it really isn’t worth it. Sometimes I get so hypnotized by the money, though, I don’t even realize how much I disliked the dude until later when I’m trying to go to sleep.
what do you guys know about Atlanta? I’m starting at the Cheetah, but could I make more in Athens or North Carolina?