Hobo Stripper header image 2

How to pick a good strip club

May 12th, 2007 · 7 Comments

The number one secret to having fun and making lots of money being a dancer is location. If you ain’t happy, keep movin!

These are some of the most important factors:

1) Money. The more money there is in a club, the more bullshit rules and such I’m willing to put up with (this is otherwise articulated as the bullshit to money ratio). Money is often seasonal, with fishing/hunting seasons, golf seasons, races, conventions, bike weeks, etc, and if you like traveling at all it’s worth it to follow the money.

2) The Vibe. If you’re not happy, you’re not gonna make money, or the money that you do make won’t be worth it. It doesn’t matter if it’s the customers, the managment, the rules, or whatever that’s rubbing you the wrong way, just move the fuck on.

3) Schedule crap. Some clubs want to put you on a schedule, or they have some rules like you have to work one weekday for every weekend day or that kind of thing. A club that’s worthy of your presence won’t make these crazy demands, they’ll have a straight up system where you show up, and pay a stage fee. They might charge you more if you show up later, or you might have to show up by a certain time to be allowed to work, but they won’t try to chain you to some paper schedule. If you wanted that kind of bullshit, you’d have a job. Of course, if you’re making a grand a night you might overlook this kind of stuff.

4) Risk of being arrested. Yep, the rich white men in suits legislate what we can do with our bodies. Crazy, huh? In some cities, you can be arrested for little things like being within 6 feet of a customer or touching your own breasts. The crazier the rules, the faster the club declines towards whorehousedom. For example, in Houston a girl can get arrested for prostitution for just being within six feet (I think?) of a customer. She figures, gee, I can give a blow job for five times the money and the same risk of arrest and prostitution charge. So you have that, and when they bust a club they just come in and arrest everyone. In more rational places, the club is held responsible for your behavior. For example, in Alaska if I take a tip between my breasts the club can be fined and possibly lose their liquor liscence, but nothing will happen to me.

5) Rules. Conversely, you don’t want a big bouncer standing over you with a flashlight making sure you don’t break the law and fining you for the smallest infraction and scaring your customers off. There should be a happy medium, like cameras in the VIP room, or a system of mirrors or curtains so that the customer isn’t freaked out. If the customer breaks a rule, like touching you, the club should come down on the customer, not you. If there are a ton of rules about changing before every set, wearing a certain type of gown, solid shoes, selling however many drinks a night, whatever… well, some of those things you do anyway or they don’t really bother you (I mean, a rule like “no sneakers on stage” isn’t hard to follow), but if they’re bothering you and it’s putting your bullshit to money ratio outta wack, just move on.

6) Contact. For some people this might be higher up on the list… but for me this is about where it goes. In some clubs you can’t touch the customer at all and do table dances standing in front of them. In other clubs you can touch them for a few seconds at a time, or you can touch them only in certain areas. At some clubs you can touch them as much as you want, but they can’t touch you. Or they can touch your arms and outer thighs, or they can touch whatever you allow. This goes right up there with the vibe… if you ain’t comfortable with it, move on! Don’t be afraid to have different boundaries with different customers, or to have much stricter boundaries than the norm at your club.

Tags: Stripping

7 responses so far ↓

  • 1 GRACE // Oct 8, 2007 at 2:11 pm

    Your rules are right on and full of sense/cents.

    Contact was a big issue for me, however, I made over a grand per night at a club that allowed dancers to touch customers. I just wore my blinders and danced my way- at least a foot from the customer. I made my money in the VIP room treating it like a first date flirt-a- thon.

  • 2 jada // Jan 21, 2008 at 3:42 am

    Great post. I’m a dancer as well, and I’m wondering where are there more places like alaska where ur risk of being arrested is null? Thx

  • 3 Stripping // Jul 3, 2008 at 5:37 am

    […] Life Lessons From Stripping: Entitlement and Value The Stripper And The Cosmic Titty The F Word: A Stripper Talks About Fat Eliminating Bad Experiences by Rejecting Bad Customers How to Pick a Good Strip Club […]

  • 4 Bullshit // Nov 2, 2008 at 10:03 am

    You ladies…?? you are whores!and hookers..getting men hooked and addicted to dances because they have orgasms and came in their pants!! wow Great job!! That’s sexual favor for money….soon you be a real hooker…just watch!!

  • 5 Jake // Feb 18, 2009 at 1:34 am

    The title of the Nov. 2 post says it all. He’s full of it. I’m NOT a dancer, I’m male, and I know he’s full of it. No, that’s just his fantasy: “Maybe next week, the dancer will just give up with all the fakery and f*** me”

  • 6 bill // Apr 10, 2009 at 10:54 am

    I think bullshit up there is full of his namesake.

    Or, maybe he suffers from PE.

    Or, (likely) some other problems as well.

    BTW, a word to all you strippers: I’m not real interested in paying to watch y’all dance (I found this blog because of herbal remedies), but wanted to say that I’ve always envied y’all the guts to go up and ‘drop trou’ in front of a crowd!

    You girls F’n RULE! Pay no attention to fucktards like 2 posts earlier.

    -Bill

  • 7 san diego showgirl of the year // Aug 6, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    you know i bet if we can make u cum that easy we could make u come just walking down the street or dancing in a regular night club you should get that checked out b.s. er . any ways this blog isnt for people like you angry at the world for no reason its for people who are more realistic

Leave a Comment